"For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have."

"The wicked at heart probably know something."

"Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing ; between 5 it's fantastic ..."

"The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you."

"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down."

"My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers."

"Alimony: the ransom the happy pay to the devil."

"Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake."

"Wherever you come near the human race there's layers and layers of nonsense."

"While thou livest keep a good tongue in thy head."

"He that studieth revenge keepeth his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well."

"If the rich could hire the poor to die for them, the poor would make a very nice living."